Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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