And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
