Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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