how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
