I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
