I'm gonna have a badass scar
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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