I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
