took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
