He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wish my penis had a tongue
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
