Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
