She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
