I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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