they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
