u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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