I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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