my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
