I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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