I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
