why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
