Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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