Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize