worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize