so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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