It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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