We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
