Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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