I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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