So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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