mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
