the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
