yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
