i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
