I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
