Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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