Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
