these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
