census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
