she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
