i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
