I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
