I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
