If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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