I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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