That's intense
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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