I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
