Redeem this text for a blowjob
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I supernannyed him into submission
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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