i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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