my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
