Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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