I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
