what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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