I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
