i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
