I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we should paint friendship bongs
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