I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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