we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
