Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im part way to drunk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
