when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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