my mouth tastes like poor choices
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
