somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
